Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
