why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
