I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
