so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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