i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
