people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
