when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
