I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Randomize
