Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
