i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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