My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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