Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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