I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
