i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
