IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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