Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we're so committed to being not committed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
