well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
