wanna go halves on a baby?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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