Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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