Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
