a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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