I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't notice because vodka
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
