she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I smell like Dick and happiness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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