Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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