so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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