Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
