it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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