I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
