what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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