That's intense
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
