Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vagina is officially offended.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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