Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
