I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
