Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
