You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
