Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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