kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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