How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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