you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
