she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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