I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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