I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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