DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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