They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
