one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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