Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
