just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
