Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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