If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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