I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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