Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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